Happy Halloween!!!!

This is a true statement.

lupus est homo homini: Man is a wolf to his fellow-man; one man preys on another

My son's first whack to the balls.

Today was the day.

We were walking out of the local Kroger's pushing a shopping cart. He had a little one designed for the kids. We only had to get a few things so I let them take it.

As we are coming out of the store, I turn and walk toward the right. Well the kids started going straight into the parking lot. I yell and tell them to turn right. My daughter says to run. Well, now they are running and pushing a miniature shopping cart.

Guess what happens? They get caught up on a small curb and the cart flips over forward. My son falls forward right on the corner of the cart. Immediately he starts crying.

Now if your a man, you know what type of pain makes you cry like that. As soon as it happened I knew he took it to the balls.

Later on when I asked him where it hit, he couldn't tell me. I say, "Was it on your wiener or you balls?". He looked down and said, "My balls". It was very funny to hear him say that. I'm sure it won't be the last time he gets hit there.

A bouncer story...

I'm walking toward the door and I over hear this guy talking. This is what he said. "I'm not going to be intimidated by these guys, I could kick any one of their asses."

Now I have been known to be quick to anger and talking shit about our staff is one of the quickest ways for me to lose my cool.

I go to our manager. and tell him what the guy said. I ask if it's ok to kick his dumb ass out of the club. He says sure. I get my green light. Thanks Kylee.

I walk up to him and tell him that it's time for him to go. He tries to be a smart ass and look at his watch and tell me what time it is. Ok, that was it. All my switches are flipped and it's kill destroy time.

I slam his ass hard on the ground. I then talk mad shit about how he missed his opportunity to kick my ass. I don't really know what I said. When I get going it's like a snowball rolling down hill. By the time things go down, I'm talking shit and saying stuff that I have no idea about. I think I may have called him a dork.

Thing is, everyone's a bad ass at the door, near the cops. Why can't guys get all brave and talk shit when it's just me and them? I'll tell you why...Most people are cowards. They talk shit but don't want to back it up.

Don't talk shit about a bouncer, then puss out when the guy gets in your face. Here's a better idea, if your not willing to fight, just don't talk shit at all.

Last nights poker game.

I take my friend to my weekly poker game last night. Well guess what? The bastard can't lose. It was not fun. He won every damn hand. Non stop.

When is my time? I sure hope my luck returns soon. We have been having bad luck lately. When I say we I mean my family. Everything that could go wrong has. You know what they say. When it rains, it pours.

I hope my buddy comes back next week. You know his luck has expired. That's how it is sometimes. You get that first time luck. It wasn't his first time playing, just the first time at that game.

Let's see ya' do it again, Dillon. You know if that retard wouldn't have called with a Q9 off suit to my AJ it would have been me taking your chips. Next time gadget...............NEXT TIME.

This computer is getting annoying....

Thanks for the computer Rob. I do welcome it. God bless you.

That said...If this mother doesn't start working right I'm gonna' stomp a mudhole in it's ass. It kills me that I can't solve the problems. Sometimes, I'm Neanderthal man. If I can't hit or kick it...I can't fix it.

Funny how violence and technology do not mix well.

This turned my stomach.....gross.

BEHEADING


Wow, that is some of the sickest shit I have ever seen. Don't watch if your weak in the stomach. RIP whoever it is that died.

Beheading Link

F@#K the police.

Bastards. They ticketed me for having a car in my yard. The problem is, the car is broke. We are waiting until we have enough money for a part that it needs. So, we didn't get the tags on it because we can't drive it. No tags, so it can't sit on the street. Can't keep it in the yard, we get ticketed. What the fuck are we supposed to do? Bored, asshole cop.

Hiccup.

I hate the hiccups. Is that even how you spell it? When I get the damn things it drives me crazy. That, my friends, is a short road, all down hill. What are some cures for the hiccups? I know I usually hold my breath and just try to wait them out. It makes me miserable to have them. I just want to hurl myself off a building in hopes that it may cure my hiccups.

Lifting weights.

I lift. I have to due to the fact that I throw people out of bars for money. You have to have a certain degree of power and strength to do such things.
Well, this post is about those crazy people that come to the gym and lift, with no clue. They have no idea what exercises to do. They randomly run around the gym from machine to machine. It really cracks me up.
Why would you waste your time and money? Your not going to see any gains if you don't work properly. When they do finally get on a machine they do the exercise improperly.
Look, if you're in the gym and have a question, ask someone. There are many guys more than willing to help out. We all like to see people have gains with their training. Don't be one of the douche bags that me and my buddies make fun of for doing the exercises completly wrong.

I'm a giant "little" kid.

I swear I'm such a kid at heart. Yesterday was the day that I have been waiting for. It has been a long wait. It has taken a year or more to get here. SOCOM 3 is here! The video game that I have been wanting forever. I called the store about four times until the UPS truck finally arrived. I was like a crack head about to get his fix. I'm surprised I didn't start drooling. I played the game for 16 hours yesterday. I'm like the Energizer Bunny...still going. As soon as I get done making this post, guess where I'm headed. That's right, to SOCOM land! The SO-CRACK has taken control. Do any of you want to get together an intervention for me? I may have a problem.......a problem being a killing machine on the SOCOM!!!!!

Heard a interesting saying tonight.

Every man has two dogs in him. The one you keep feeding grows.

I believe that. I have often felt as if there are two sides to everyone. If your a asshole, and you feed into that, you become more of an ass. If you always try to go with your good qualities, then you'll be a better person. I just thought it was a insightful saying.

Anyone lose a bag of coke?

If so, I may have found it. I was walking around the club the other night and noticed a bag with what appeared to be white powder in it. Low and behold it was a bag of coke! Cool huh. I gave it to the cops outside. They were happy. Cops get excited when they get some coke. It is almost like when a person that does coke gets a bag. They react very similar.

Last night at work was crap.

If you don't know, I'm a bouncer. I have worked at clubs for a long time. I say bouncer so that people will realize I actually kick people out all night. In the club I work in there are only four maybe five of us.

That's not to say that we don't have around 10 cleaners running around. The cleaners clean and are the bitches. It's just the nature of the beast. In a club, dealing with drunk idiots, you have to have a lot of confidence. The cleaners have none. They clean and tell us if people are being fools.

Last night at work, the GM(general manager) tells us that we need to be more gentle. This is after he and a few other co-workers took some guys in the back and beat their ass. They get in trouble and have to go down to the cop shop. There is now a court date and charges are being pressed.

Guess who pays? People like me. The GM tells us last night that if we make someone bleed that there is a good chance we will get fired. He says that we need to "bear hug" people. I laughed at that. As if I'll ever take that chance.

I walk probably ten or more people out a night. When I say walk I mean that I make them leave. If they go on their own then I don't touch em'. If they are assholes or don't want to go, I kick their ass. It's a simple formula that has worked time and time again.

I feel like they are insulting me by giving me boundaries. Me who has never, fucked anyone up too bad. Not on purpose anyway.

I really like this job and the people I work with. I sure hope that I don't get fired. I'm not changing a god damn thing about how I conduct myself. I'll keep you informed.

Do you shave your testicles?

(Looks like a shaver huh?)

I do.

Let me tell you, there is nothing like the feeling of a smooth ball sack. The only problem comes when you sweat. If you walk around all night, say at a bar, your sack will start to stick to your leg. This can become uncomfortable.

I know some people are like, ewww why are you talking about ball sack shavings. Well they can fuck right off. This is my blog and I'll do as I damn well please. It's not like I'm telling about getting a Brazilian wax or anything.

By the way...Have you ever seen anyone get that shit? Oh my god, talk about painful. I can't imagine a woman getting a Brazilian wax done to her. That shit would hurt so bad. I can think of a lot of things I could do after she had it done though. Oh the fun times I could have.

Ok, I'm gone for now, however, I'll leave you with this.

Shave your ball sack and have your girl get a Brazilian wax.

You'll thank me for both later!

That's right bitches....I'm back.

Now that I have lost what tiny little reader participation I once had, I shall attempt to revive this dead blog. I don't really have anything more meaningful to say at this point.

My neighbor was nice enough to hook me up with a computer. Thanks Rob. I couldn't blog before because my shit was so old and crusty, I could hardly look up e-mail. Sad huh. Well things have changed. Like the Jeffersons, "I'm a movin' on up".

Wish me luck in my endeavor to resuscitate this old monster of a blog. It will be the greatest challenge on Earth. Next to nuclear physics that is. So, until we meet again.