Back to Illinois.

This weekend I'm going to go back to Illinois. It should be a adventure! I haven't been to my home area for over seven years. I plan on seeing my grandma and grandpa one last time before they die will also be visiting my cousin Todd. I miss good ole' Todd. He was one of my best friends growing up. He picked on me a bit, but not too bad. I am anxious to see his 3 boys. All those mini Todd's roaming around should be....interesting.

We are trying to find a dog sitter for my neurotic dog. She is a good dog , don't get me wrong. She is just a little high strung. I don't know what we'll do If we can't find her a babysitter. Hopefully, it will work out.

I can't wait for my wife and family to see where I came from. Sullivan Il is such a terrible place. So boring. They will see why I grew up doing drugs. There was nothing else. Corn, beans and drugs. That is all there is in Il. We are going to go visit Arthur Il while I'm there. It is the Amish capital of Il. My kids are gonna' freak out when they see all the horse and buggies. This weekend should prove very entertaining!

This one time....

One day I woke up thinking that getting drunk before school would be a good idea. I can't remember how, but, I had a fifth of Southern comfort. I drank most of it before school. I don't remember much of that day. Here is what I recall...

I was in the class room and I think I was talking very loudly. I don't know how I got past the bus drivers. Couldn't you smell that I was almost passed out drunk? At any rate, the school officials told me to go sit in this room. It was next to the principals office.

Next thing I know some old lady walks in. She proceeds to ask me a series of questions. At some point she told me I was drunk. Coincidentally, I was. I screamed something along the lines of "fuck you bitch" to the poor woman.

I feel bad about cussing a old lady. I was a real fucktard when I was younger, I have no excuses.

I ran toward the door. I don't know where I was going. I knew the teachers would follow me as I went to a reform type school. I get all the way down the hallway and there stands Mr. Reynolds the P.E. teacher and karate black belt. He was a big dude and I knew I wasn't getting passed him.

I punched a window in the door right next to me. He then takes me down and the other teachers arrive. They have to call the paramedic because I cut my hand pretty good. They also called the cops because I was drunk under age. I went to the hospital and my mom had to come pick me up.

Now for the story within the story.

I didn't know this but, Mr. Johnson was running after me trying to catch me. He was a fast little dude and everyone usually got caught by him. He tried to take a short cut and head me off. The school had that wire that ran through the window, you know, the kind that has the wire melded in with the glass.

Well, the door was one of the kind of door that had the bar that you push to make the lock disengage. Mr. Johnson went to push that bar and his hand slipped and he went crashing halfway through the window. He sliced the ever loving shit outta' his arm and had to have a few surgeries.

Sorry Mr. J. I just want to say that right here. My bad. I wish it wouldn't happened as I feel responsible. I hope he is ok now.

So that's my story about the day that I thought It would be a good idea to get drunk. I learned a good lesson that day. Sometimes what you do can effect a lot of people. I didn't even know that Mr. Johnson got hurt until I returned to the school ten days later.

Numa Numa.

Link

Star Wars was ok.

Star Wars was pretty good. Not a lot of stupid scenes. I didn't like the giant lizard looking thing that Obi Wan rode. It was quite retared. I guess it will fit in with the older Star Wars better. The cheesy effects have just become commonplace in the Wars universe. I did enjoy the battle scenes and the light saber duels. I don't really understand how Aniken could beat Count Dooku then lose so badly to Obi Wan. Oh well, it was overall good. I let my son skip school to go see it. I'm not the best role model for going to school. I hated that crap. If my dad would have let me skip to go see a movie I would have peed my pants.

Grill time!!

The grill is good,
The grill is great,
It puts nice food,
On my plate.

It cooks real fast,
Like an arson on crack,
Tastes so inviting,
I'm on the attack.

I devour it whole,
As fast as I can,
I'm a big piggy,
Not a grown ass man!

When masterbations lost it's fun, your fuckin' lazy.

Sexperts support urge to splurge wads
hand over fist.
^^^Link^^^

"Combining both sex and masturbation, a man in his 20s should ejaculate 24 times a month, somebody in his 30s should aim for 10 times a month and a guy in his 40s should look at about half a dozen times," Nakayama says. "Mind you, this should be considered the absolute minimum level to be regarded as healthy. Any fewer times than this runs the risk of attracting ailments such as an enlarged prostate. Making sexual activity a regular practice also carries the benefit of stimulating the brain."


I guess it's time to make like my right hand and beat it. **drum roll**

Just food for thought.

It's funny how the historical record show the Christians stole half their holidays from the Pagans, yet Christians insist that the resurrection of Christ was real, that Jesus was really born on December 25, etc. I don't understand how they can continue to think the Bible is 100% real when it can be demonstrated that OTHER people had the same mythology as them, hundreds and hundreds of years before Christ.

"I respect those who have deep religious beliefs."

--I don't, they are grown people who believe some invisible man lives in the sky and hasn't interacted with people for over 2,000 years and created the whole Universe from nothing. One day humankind will grow out of this infantile obsession with God.

"It is this self serving part of leadership that detracts me from many religions."

--Lol, have you actually read the Bible? They fucking HATE women. If you don't believe me, I'll bring up plenty of versus to prove it. So it's not really the "leadership" that is the problem, it's the religion itself.

Author-sonic::bionic

The son and his tummy ache.

So, my boy comes downstairs last night after I tell him to go to bed. He is complaining of his belly hurting. At first I think it may be heart burn. I give him a Tums. I wait a few mins. It still doesn't stop. He is almost doubled over. I'm starting to get worried. I give him another Tums. He is still totally complaining about his tummy is hurting. I tell him to go upstairs and lay on the bed. I'm trying to let the Tums kick in. He does and in less than a min. I hear him run to the bathroom. He then proceeds to let loose the most vicious poop. His butt explodes like a friggin' fouth of July fireworks extravaganza. I laugh so hard that I almost cry. The poor boy was almost doubled up in pain because he needed a poo. Too funny. After he was done he gave a big sigh. I asked him if his tummy still hurt. He said, "Nope, I feel better now".

I thought to myself, I bet you do!!

Love makes you fat.

My wifey brought up a good point. When you know someone loves you unconditionally, It can make you fat. Think about it. When your single, you watch how you look and what you wear. Once married, you don't care. I don't shave for days. I wear baggy clothes and am getting so fat. I'm the biggest I have ever been in my life. I won't even say what I weighed in at last night. It's just too embarrassing.

So the wife and I have come to the conclusion that we must go dieting. Not so much a diet, just change our food intake. The problem with food is, if it tastes good, it's probably not real good for you. If it tastes really good, then it's almost defiantly bad for you. You should eat out of necessity not because it is yummy. You body need food for fuel and not for pleasure. This is a fact that many of us have trouble dealing with.

I will be dieting for the next 6 months, no matter what. You can come along with me as I embark on my journey to make my old clothes fit again. I have a entire wardrobe I can't wear because I have gained so much weight. I WILL be putting them back on. I just need to lose 25 lbs first!!!

Some funny tests from Cucucachoo.net.

I am 74% Asshole/Bitch.

I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em.

Take the
Asshole/Bitch Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 24% Idiot.

I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.

Take the
Idiot Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 56% Evil Genius.

Evil courses through my blood. Lies and deceit motivate my evil deeds. Crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in my doings.

Take the
Evil Genius Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 10% Geek.

I wanna be a geek. But I'm not. Why would I even want to be one. Do I think it's fun? I should try writting an online test application at 1 am in my underwear

Take the
Geek Test
@ FualiDotCom

A whole lot of nothing.

I have sat here for three days. In my home, and it has been good. The wife went out on Sat. night and shakes her money maker. I guess that's what she does. She's like the center of a Tootsie Pop, the world may never know. I say this all in jest, she's a good girl!

We had fun Fri. Joy's friend and her husband came over with their four kids. That's right four. All pretty little girls. They cracked me up. Such different personalities in the group. Defiantly made me thankful that I only have to clean up after two. Four would be much harder. Also, I don't buy diapers anymore. I remember those days, and not fondly I might add.

Damn, I just heard a strange noise outside. What the hell was that? I'm going to get my pistol, be right back. Ok, I'm back. In this neighborhood it's not whether or not your paranoid, it's whether or not your paranoid enough. Strange things happen in this world. I certainly don't want to caught with my pants down.

I guess I'm jumpy. I have a right to be, I have had a burglar break into my house before. I think I may have to tell that story on this blog. Have I already? Let me check real quick. Jeezus, I got tired of checking. I don't think I have ever told the story so in my next few posts. I will. So, until we meet again, McDojo maniacs.

Go here and listen to this phone call.

Mr. Bergis is some redneck in Mississippi who is constantly being pranked by a local radio station. I have never heard anyone get as pissed as this guy does.

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/bergis-mags.mp3

It starts out slow but they really get this guy going. I laughed my ass off.

Some days you just fail.

So yesterday was one of those days. My wife and I just could not get along. No matter how hard we tried. If she wasn't pissing me off, I was driving her nuts. I guess mama said there'd me days like this, there'd be days like this my mama said. It's a good thing we love each other or we wouldn't survive.

Funny how some days you just mesh. Then, other days, your like oil and water. I hope this weekend we will be fine. I was telling her about me possibly going back to work. She asked where. I told her that the local nightclub might need a bouncer on thurs. and sun. night. She was very much against it. I wonder why. I guess she thinks some how it will effect her. I don't see how. I guess if it's forbidden then I won't be able to. I know I could use the money and the feeling of working again. It's been over three years. It would be nice to contribute to the family finances again.

This is just weird. PENIS SHOWN

Ok, got tired of hearing this dumb ass thing. If you want to see this crazyness, email me and I'll send it!!

I have made a promise.

I have made the promise and, I must keep it. It is for the good off my entire family. I will not falter or waiver from my commitment. I have to do this. Does it sound like I'm convincing myself? Hell yes I am. I'm not very good at keeping promises if it's not convenient for me. I must keep this one. It's high time I started being a responsible pot head.

The promise- I will not smoke weed/pot in front of my kids. No matter what. I have done it in the past and this type of behavior must come to a end. I never minded smoking in front of my daughter, however, my son is not bright enough to not say anything. My days as a free roaming pot head are gone!!! I guess it's past due time for this to happen. Give me strength people.

Do you get enough sleep?

---

*Adults* – For most adults, 7 to 8 hours a night appears to be the best amount of sleep, although the amount ranges from 5 hours to 10 hours of sleep each day depending on the individual. It should be noted that a recent research study conducted by Boston University School of Medicine found that study participants that reported sleeping less than 6 hours or more than 9 hours a day had an increased incidence of diabetes, compared to those who slept 7-8 hours (see online resources). Source:www.helpguide.org

I get about six hours at the most. I can't sleep more than that unless I have been up for a long time. Even then, I usually get up after about six hours. My wife is different. She likes 9-10 hours. She never gets that, but that is what she would like to sleep. I can never go to bed early . If I do, I wake up around four a.m. I can't sleep the entire night away. Now that is just the opposite with the day. If the sun is up, I could be sleeping. I think I was born to stay up at night. I have never done well with getting up early. I swear if school would have started at noon I would have gone more. I think I will always be a "night owl". Some things you just can't change about yourself.

My son the video gamer....

---

My son is 5. He loves the Star Wars game. He is like a tiny crack head waiting for his next fix. He jones's for it. He went to bed last night playing and woke up asking if he could start. It's so funny. I sit and laugh and encourage him. It's the only thing besides T.V. he has ever really liked. He takes after his papa I guess. I can sit and play games for hours. I grew up playing video games so it's just another hobby to me. I have so many hobbies I can't keep them straight. I wish I could start to enjoy something that could make me some money. If I could make money playing Socom, I would be Bill Gates brother.

Just because I like to read Uncle Rico........GOSH.

Uncle Rico:I wish you wouldn't look at me like that, Napoleon.

Napoleon Dynamite: I wish you'd get out of my life and shut up!

Uncle Rico: I'm gonna tell you somethin' right now. While you're out there playing patty cake with your friend Pedro, your Uncle Rico is makin' 120 bucks.

Napoleon Dynamite: I could make that much money in five seconds!

Kip: Geez. Yeah right, Napoleon. I made, like, 75 bucks today.

Uncle Rico: Napoleon, it's looks like you don't have a job. So why don't you get out there and feed Tina.

Napoleon Dynamite: Why don't you go eat a decroded piece of crap!

Need something to eat???????

Old rock? Looks more like big cock cafe to me.

Quotes

Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
- Walter Anderson


Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.
- unknown


Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.
- Kim Rohn

Level with your child by being honest. Nobody spots a phony quicker than a child.
- Mary MacCracken

We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey.
-Stephen Covey

No man is free who is not master of himself.
- Epictetus (Greek philospher, c. 100 C.E.)