Well, I emailed my father.
After ten years. I haven't spoke to my father for over a decade. I emailed him the other day. It was so hard to find anything to say. I tried to stay positive.
Like I said in my email to him. There comes a time in ones life, when you accept a family member for who/what they are and forget about all the things they are not. I would like to have some contact with him. My children deserve to know at least a tiny bit about their grandfather. He has a terrible past with me.
I'm bitter and callous about things that he has done, or not done. What do you do? Do you let that just rule your relationship with a family member? IS that worth it? I mean it's been ten years. What the hell, if we try to be friends every ten years....What's the harm?
He did respond in typical "my father" fashion. No emotion, making sure to place the same amount of blame on me that he is responsible for, and general distance from any feelings. That's my pa.
I think if he wouldn't think about what I could have been, or what he wanted me to be, he could learn to accept who I AM NOW. Might happen, might not.
When your 30 years old(or older), you tend to stop giving a shit what your parents think. My life is mine to live, he'll either suck it up and take a few shots from me or run away and justify it by saying/thinking I'm only on a personnel attack crusade. Only time will tell.
Dad, if your reading this (I did include my web log address) it's time for us to be real. No more bullshit. I will not tolerate it. Be real, or stay dead to me. I only long to hear the truth, I can take it. Sometimes, when your a family, you have to just take some feelings that others have. They may not be correct, however, you don't just denounce them or sever all ties with them. Or, maybe you do. I hope not.
Like I said in my email to him. There comes a time in ones life, when you accept a family member for who/what they are and forget about all the things they are not. I would like to have some contact with him. My children deserve to know at least a tiny bit about their grandfather. He has a terrible past with me.
I'm bitter and callous about things that he has done, or not done. What do you do? Do you let that just rule your relationship with a family member? IS that worth it? I mean it's been ten years. What the hell, if we try to be friends every ten years....What's the harm?
He did respond in typical "my father" fashion. No emotion, making sure to place the same amount of blame on me that he is responsible for, and general distance from any feelings. That's my pa.
I think if he wouldn't think about what I could have been, or what he wanted me to be, he could learn to accept who I AM NOW. Might happen, might not.
When your 30 years old(or older), you tend to stop giving a shit what your parents think. My life is mine to live, he'll either suck it up and take a few shots from me or run away and justify it by saying/thinking I'm only on a personnel attack crusade. Only time will tell.
Dad, if your reading this (I did include my web log address) it's time for us to be real. No more bullshit. I will not tolerate it. Be real, or stay dead to me. I only long to hear the truth, I can take it. Sometimes, when your a family, you have to just take some feelings that others have. They may not be correct, however, you don't just denounce them or sever all ties with them. Or, maybe you do. I hope not.
posted by Ronald McDojo at 1:25 PM
1 Comments:
Sounds familiar. I think my father and I have come to the mutual agreement that we can't stand each other. He can't even stop his hypocritical bible thumping long enough to meet his grandson for the first time. Not that I'm going out of my way to accomodate him. I figure he never tried to be a good dad so why should I let him even try to be a grandpa, good or bad. I've been wondering lately if I will go to his funeral which I know can't be that far away. He's already had 1 heart attack. Would I be as big a hypocrite as him by going to his funeral? Pretending we had some sort of relationship seems very fake to me. Or, does he deserve at least that much respect for donating biological material? Who knows? He has inspired me to be the father he never was. I guess I owe him something for that.
-Mad Pooper-
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